12) “Code Red”
- Named for the verbal call that accompanies it, this poo requires a rapid response involving at least four (adult) hands, one load of laundry, and perhaps a team of professional cleaners. Tragedy can strike quickly, without warning. What one moment was a perfectly clean baby, onesie, pillow, and couch is suddenly rendered a biohazard, bits of feces emerging from nearly every exfiltration point. How did an entire turd emerge from the diaper, unaltered, to find itself on the couch, slowly seeping remorselessly into the cushions? Only video surveillance knows for sure, because the human eye is rendered meaningless in the face of such a fast and abominable feat. The destruction, and the knowledge that the danger may not have passed, leaves you with no choice but to make the call — “Code Red!”
Find previous entries in our ongoing poop catalogue here, here, here, here, here, and here!
