My fellow Americans, I come to you with huge news. We have secured the $5.7 billion — I mean the $57 needed to fully finance the wall. Now, it’s not concrete and it’s not steel slats, but it is made out of high-quality plastic. Extending nearly two feet high, it will completely stop the theft of video game resources from our precious entertainment center. It will also finally close the unlawful pipeline that allows mischievous, tiny hands to bring gravel from the fireplace into our great living room. Our work, as parents and Americans, is complete.
And the fun is just beginning! Wait til he’s walking!
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