Year 4, Day 159

I’m not sure if you’ve been able to discern this from the multitude of blog posts I’ve produced on the matter, but raising a toddler is really f***ing hard. When Miles is happy, he’s usually running around screaming. When he’s upset, he’s STILL screaming. Our attention is demanded by him at all times, and about 60-70% of that time is spent as a disciplinarian whose words seem to be bouncing around an echo chamber, not meeting the ears of their intended audience. And, whether you’re getting the good or the bad, you’ve got to be ON at all times.

Still, no matter what sort of day Miles or I have had, I always try to say goodnight to to him before bed. Last night it took me a few minutes to get to his room (here’s an Easter Egg — I was actually updating this blog at the time), and by the time I got there he was already asleep. Still, I stepped over, leaned in, and kissed his forehead.

Without waking up, Miles rolled towards me and seized my hand, clutching it close as he slept.

This brazenly defiant child who’s just as likely to scream and refuse to eat dinner as he is to grab your hand and hold it tight as he falls asleep…this — ALL of it — is what it’s all about. And I wouldn’t trade it for ANYTHING.

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