Year 3, Day 86: Miles’s Top Five Quarantine Shows

It hasn’t been easy parenting while both Jaclyn and I are still working between 30 and 40 hours every week. As such, certain unsavory sacrifices have been necessary, including foregoing our parental duties periodically and allowing the television to step in and parent a bit. We agreed early in our careers as parents to avoid this; however, nobody expected COVID-19. And here we are.

Frankly, I don’t know what we would’ve done if Disney+ wasn’t a thing. And yet, I also don’t know how much longer we can survive with it. We’ve tried to expand his viewing habits as much as possible, but as with all things, Miles definitely has strong opinions about the television. Using a method that is in no way scientific, I have compiled his Top Five Quarantine Shows below.

5) Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers

Like all commercially compliant children, Miles loves Mickey Mouse. This 2004 direct-to-video movie finds Mickey and his closest friends assigned roles in a loose (to use that term extremely loosely itself) interpretation of Alexandre Dumas’s classic swashbuckling epic set to classical music adapted to include lyrics that are, frankly, unforgivable. This movie has a 36% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

4) The Voice

Somehow our family became regular watchers of NBC’s The Voice. I can’t remember when it happened, but it likely came about because it’s immediately preceded by Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune and the 8:00 hour gets so busy we never bother to change the channel. Regardless of where it started, the show is now weekly viewing for us, and Miles absolutely loves listening to the music. Plus, we’re able to use it as a reward for end of the night staples like brushing teeth or cleaning up.

3) Go! Go! Cory Carson

I’m honestly not sure who enjoys this show more, Miles or Jaclyn. I’ve only ever seen episodes while struggling to cling to slumber in the early hours of the day, but as near as I can tell this show basically answers the question: “What if Cars was good?”

2) Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

“Miles, are you ready to go to sleep?” “No, watch Dohn Ahminya!”

Well, I can’t say my child doesn’t like to stay informed on hot-button social issues. Maybe it’s his goofy appearance. Maybe it’s the accent. Maybe it’s the random appearances by this fella. Or maybe Miles just likes it because Mommy and Daddy laugh at it all the time.

Or maybe it’s the swearing.

1) Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

Speaking of swearing, there is no show that Miles partakes in that 1) is watched more often or 2) elicits more parental curses than this mess of a series. Featuring 1996’s finest computer animation, this 2005-2016 series finds the Mouse and his friends occupying a “clubhouse” that looks like someone dismembered a giant Mickey in an open field. From that disquieting command center, the gang goes about solving (also frequently creating) a host of problems with the help of a…sentient computer, I guess?…named Toodles. I spend a little time every day wishing that Miles had never discovered this show. He sure loves it, though. “Miles, do you want to watch ANYTHING ELSE??” “Nono watch Mickey Mouse CLUB. HOUSE!”

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